Mental Health Inspiration

 In high school nobody new I was battling depression. They may have seen a pretty red headed girl full of school spirit. Yes maybe you can say I was popular but inside I was dying.When I was voted prom Queen I remember that night so vividly, everyone kept telling me I looked like Rose from the movie Titanic with my red hair and my dress I had especially made to replicate the dress Kate Winslet wore. I remember when they announced “and your 1998 prom Queen is -drumroll-Maricela Estrada. I felt like a star with all the cameras, flashes, and glitter and gold. At the end of the night I sat in the bottom of the staircase with my head hanging down, a girl walked up and asked me “how does it feel to be prom Queen?” I shrugged my shoulders and kept looking down at the ground. The girl walked away. Finally, on my prom night, Somebody saw the real me. Somebody saw my deep depression. I had tried to hide it through high school. There were moments when I had crying spells in class. I wish my t...

When I’m caught in the cycle of depression, motivation is low. I am caught in the cycle of depression, don’t want to shower, comb my hair, exercise. I don’t want to clean my condo. Getting out of bed is a battle, everyday is a battle. When will this cycle end? People who don’t struggle with mental illness will never know what it is like. They will just make fun of me and judge me.  Depression, bipolar disorder, schizoaffective-mental ilness is misunderstood. The people who have never walked in our shoes will be the first to judge. That is until it effects one of their family members. When I’m depressed in one of my lows Even  taking a shower and maintaining hygiene can be a battle. Living an breathing is painful. Suicide always crosses my mind. My psychiatrist calls it passive suicidal ideation.I feel like I’m falling apart. I was come to a point where I can not do anything for myself.  I actually need shower reminders from my husband and friends. It is sad it’s like seri...