Positive Energy and Affirmations


I had an epiphany one day after a serious overdose on my medication. I had been battling depression and suicidal ideation since I was a teenager. My first suicide attempt was at the tender age of 14.

My mother said she lost track of how many times I tried killing myself and my therapist said I had too much negative self-talk.  I hit rock bottom after my former boyfriend was shot and killed in the violent city of Compton, CA.  I began to abuse alcohol and self-medicate. I lost my job and apartment and was on state disability and food stamps. My friend welcomed me to her home and we shared a room. Then on one horrible night I felt as if suicide was my only escape. I overdosed on my medication at about 10pm and my roommate came home drunk at 2am. She didn’t realize what I did. I remember coming in and out of consciousness. I remember that I tried to suffocate myself with the pillow and my roommate pulling the pillow away from me.  My roommate didn’t call 911 until 7am after I fell off the bed.

I should’ve been dead. It is a miracle that I am alive. Once my life was saved I had that profound awakening. I realized that that was not the way that I wanted to die. I began to appreciate my life and everyone in it and truly began to live. I had taken my life for granted. I realized that I was tired of giving up and not fighting for my life. I was hurting myself and everyone in my life. It was finally time to triumph over my mental illness. Medication can only do so much. We have to put an effort and give it our all. We have to surround ourselves with positive energy and positive people. We need to transform those negative and depressing thoughts into positive affirmations. I am no longer depressed or suicidal. I refuse to go in that direction. Truly my life began to change and I am happy and glowing. My soul is overflowed with joy and hope. Currently, I am working for the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health and I look forward to going to graduate school for my Master’s in Social Work. I don’t see mental illness as a disability but as a strength that has made me more courageous, strong, resilient, caring and compassionate. Having bipolar disorder has made me a better person and I am proud to be Maricela Estrada. It’s all about the positive energy and positive affirmations and “I am statements.” They sound something like this…”I and triumphant.” “I am a survivor.” “I have found healing a d peace.” I am strong enough to face my challenges.” L You have the power to find healing, strength and ca  persevere. Just believe in yourself because I believe in you.


Comments

  1. Apollo2112January 21, 2012 at 9:55 PM

    This Too Shall Pass Away By Theodore Tilton Once in Persia reigned a King, Who upon his signet ring Graved a maxim true and wise, Which, if held before his eyes, Gave him counsel at a glance, Fit for every change and chance. Solemn words, and these are they; “Even this shall pass away.”

    Trains of camels through the sand Brought him gems from Samarcand; Fleets of galleys through the seas Brought him pearls to match with these; But he counted not his gain, Treasures of mine or main; “What is wealth?” the king would say; “Even this shall pass away.”

    Mid the revels of his court, At the zenith of his sport, When the palms of all his guests, Burned with clapping at his jests, He, amid his figs and wine; Cried, ‘O loving friends of mine; Pleasures come, but not to stay; “Even this shall pass away”

    Lady, fairest ever seen, Was the bride he crowned his queen. Pillowed on his marriage bed, Softly to his soul he said: Though no bridegroom ever passed; Fairer bosom to his breast, Mortal flesh must come to clay-“Even this shall pass away”

    Fighting on a furious field, Once a javelin pierced his shield; Soldiers, with a loud lament, Bore him bleeding to his tent. Groaning from his tortured side, “Pain is hard to bear,” he cried; “But with patience, day by day, Even this shall pass away.

    Towering in the public square, Twenty cubits in the air, Rose his statue carved in stone. Then the king, disguised, unknown, Stood before his sculptured name, Musing meekly: “What is fame?” Fame is but a slow decay;

    Even this shall pass away.

    Struck with palsy, sore and old, Waiting at the Gates of Gold, Said he with his dying breath, “Life is done, but what is death?”
    Then in answer to the king, a sunbeam fell upon his ring.
    With a show of heavenly ray
    Even this shall pass away
    By Theodore Tilton

    ReplyDelete
  2. BipolarButterflyJanuary 22, 2012 at 4:03 PM

    thank you sweetheart for your kind beautiful words. Thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. I send you all my positive energy and love...Maricela

    ReplyDelete

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