Mental Health Inspiration

I realized how much I suffered after getting off my morning dosage  of medication. I just hated being so sedated at work but I learned my lesson. I rather be sedated than psychotic. The auditory hallucinations are a nightmare. However, hope was never lost. I reached out for help. While at the emergency room, the doctor added a low dosage or Seroquel. Wow now I'm on 3 anti-psychotic medications. Yup you got! Yes I am that psychotic lol. I'm also on Saphris and Geodon. Max dosages. Finally, my book signing was last Saturday Aug.25th, 2018. Thank God I felt stable, happy, healthy. Yes, I will be honest I had to pop an Ativan for anxiety 15 minutes before my book reading and I felt I did great. The book signing was a success and I was able to build public awareness, decrease stigma, and build hope in my community. The most memorable part of the entire event was that my mother attended. My mom has never attended my book signings and it was a huge honor to have my beloved mommy ther...

The voices and intrusive thoughts torment me. God, please make it end. I can't focus on a simple conversation without hearing voices and responding to internal stimuli. It's not that I talk to myself but I feel I makes faces and look distracted. I look away. I look up, down, to right, to the left. I can't look at the person. Looking at them will destroy me. I have really bad vision without contacts. It is all a big blur. Every day for the last three weeks I have been wearing my glasses. I take them off when I talk to people so I can't see them. Then the voices are not so bad. Other times, I get a rush of paranoid ideation. My mind and thoughts are racing. I can't focus at work and I want to run. For those of you who don't know, I'm a Medical Case Worker for the LA County Dept. of Mental Health. I may appear to look normal but inside my mind in screaming and crying, going madly insane. Many times I want to give up. I want to go an early retirement disabili...

It was everything. Everything came crashing down. I have to deal with this high risk for cervical cancer complexities for the last 14 years now fearing it will turn into cancer. I have a painful surgical procedure without anesthesia due to the fact that if the doctor used it I would have to get off my psych meds for three weeks. They did not want to risk it so I took the pain screaming and crying, praying to God for mercy. This was Jan. 2018. After that I had post-operational complications heavy bleeding and I couldn't even walk my emotional support dog. It was a nightmare. This triggered deep dark suicidal depression. My psychiatrist put me on medical leave for the first time in my 8 year career as a Medical Case Worker for the Dept. of Mental Health. We are in July 2018and I'm still a psychotic mess. When I returned back to work I felt heavily medicated. I couldn't get to work on time and I start at 9:30a.m. I felt heavily sedated the first two hours. I decided to get of...