40, Bipolar and Planning a Baby



When my husband told me he wanted have a baby a little “goo goo,” I finally felt like maybe at this time it may be a beautiful and humbling experience. My mom is sick. My mom is my world and if something happens to her I will lose my mind. My family is very united and we have these big reunions and celebrations, birthdays and holidays at the Estrada’s is truly beautiful. Where will I go for thanksgiving or Christmas. My mom holds our family together. Planning this baby is what is giving me hope while my mom is sick. I just turned 40 on April 20, 2020.  I’m diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. I take a lot of medication but my psychiatrist has always instilled hope and told me that she believes I can do it and she would take me off work one year. She told me she would want me to focus on pregnancy yoga and being stress free. I’m courageous in many ways but I’m terrified of pregnancy. I’ve never had the courage until now. I have the best psychiatrist. She is the Chief psychiatrist at kaiser and I know she will monitor me closely. My husband and I will take parenting classes, read books, be healthy and prepare ourselves for this beautiful child. We need to be healthy and stable for this baby. I have to trust God. I can’t listen to negative people who tell me I cannot be a mother because I have a mental illness. I need to believe I can do this. It will be another chapter in my life. Maybe another book. Holistic health, mind body and soul. I will practice my coping skills (mindfulness, walking my dog, deep breathing and meditation, healthy diet, self care, and having a strong support system. I have an amazing family and husband. My dog Gypsy Blue has been our child and we have raised the dog to believe he is human. We even read to him. The dog makes me arts and crafts at doggy day camp for Mother’s Day. I really treat him like my son. Now it’s time for my dog to have a little human brother or sister. I fear how little Gypsy will take it. I know my dog will be jealous of the baby but I plan to include my dog in the babies life as much as possible as our baby grows. I pray to God that my baby is healthy more than anything and that I survive this pregnancy stronger than ever.

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