Mental Health Inspiration

It was everything. Everything came crashing down. I have to deal with this high risk for cervical cancer complexities for the last 14 years now fearing it will turn into cancer. I have a painful surgical procedure without anesthesia due to the fact that if the doctor used it I would have to get off my psych meds for three weeks. They did not want to risk it so I took the pain screaming and crying, praying to God for mercy. This was Jan. 2018. After that I had post-operational complications heavy bleeding and I couldn't even walk my emotional support dog. It was a nightmare. This triggered deep dark suicidal depression. My psychiatrist put me on medical leave for the first time in my 8 year career as a Medical Case Worker for the Dept. of Mental Health. We are in July 2018and I'm still a psychotic mess. When I returned back to work I felt heavily medicated. I couldn't get to work on time and I start at 9:30a.m. I felt heavily sedated the first two hours. I decided to get of...

My diagnosis for ten years was Bipolar Disorder with Psychotic Features. Once I started working full time and got private insurance Kaiser evaluated by and changed my diagnosis to Schizoaffective Disorder, Bipolar Type. I remember telling my psychiatrist “Oh my God! That sounds worse! And I wrote a book titled Bipolar Girl: My Psychotic Self. I can’t change the name now. Should it be Schizoaffective Girl:My Psychotic Self? That does not flow as good.” She said treatment would remain the same. The difference between Bipolar Disorder with Psychotic Features and Schizoaffective, Type is that with Bipolar Disorder with Psychotic Features you only get psychosis when you are manic. With Schizoaffective Disorder, Bipolar Type the psychosis is the primary part of the mental illness and the mood disorder comes secondary. Some people believe schizoaffective disorder is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. My psychosis can be very challenging to cope with. I hear scary ...

  Losing my mind was a slow process until one day it took over rapidly. My family became worried. I slipped into a psychotic episode. I would hallucinate and see shadows and demons. I began to combat the evil with prayer and the Bible. I became hyper-religious. I told my family that the devil was after me and that I was a prophet. I told them that the devil was in the house. My family is from a small ranch in Mexico. Through their traditions and culture they believed that maybe my mental illness was something spiritual or supernatural. My mother, years later told me that she did not know what to do or what was happening. All she knew was that she was desperate to help me. One day my mother and sister-in-law, Sophie, told me that we had to take a special trip. I didn’t know where we were going and I was too delusional to understand. They took me to a house with a small back house. I went into a room and saw a heavy man sitting down. He asked me to come in and have a seat. I sa...

My mom always told me that she suff ered more than I did because I’m her child, and it hurt her to see me suff er. I always wondered how she could say that. She wasn’t the one locked up in mental hospitals on birthdays and holidays, or the one who felt life was so horrible that death seemed like the only solution. You were not the victim—I was. What I didn’t know was that when a family member has a mental illness, everyone was the victim. But, over the years, I became a survivor and was no longer a victim. I transformed my “woe is me” perspective and triumphed over my mental illness. I said good-bye to being isolated and withdrawn and feeling sorry for myself. I became resilient and strong. Victims can grow as people through obstacles and learn from life experiences. Th ey can see painful moments as opportunities to grow and shine, and they can love life as much as I do now. First, victims need to seek help. Victims can embrace the beauty of life. I believe even painful moments in our...

February 13, 2009 My soul was bleeding so much that night, and in a moment of weakness, I gave up. I just kept taking pills until all the bottles were empty. My suicide note was recorded on video on my web camera. Caylee’s cruel words rang loudly in my head, terrorizing me, haunting me. You want to kill yourself? Kill yourself! All you want is attention! Pua texted me Ecclesiastes 3, but not even the biblical verse that once saved my life was enough to stop me. I turned off  my cell phone and hid it. I didn’t want to be tempted to call 911. My friend and roommate, Yvonne, was out having fun. When she came home, she didn’t realize what I had done. She found me on the bed, my body stiff . I couldn’t speak. I was in and out of consciousness. I remember some of what happened, but not all of it. I tried to suff ocate myself with the pillow. Yvonne grabbed it off  my face. I remember hearing her snoring loudly at the edge of the bed and feeling excruciating pain all over my body bef...

Psychosis is a 6 th Sense: Embrace it! 6-15-15 My mentor, Dr.Zamora, once told me that psychosis may be a 6 th sense. I’ve always considered Dr. Zamora brilliant as a psychologist . The thought of it made me ponder until I realized that it is absolutely true. Once time I told a friend that I thank God for blessing me with a mental illness because it made me stronger. He thanked me for helping him see the positive things about having a mental illness. He said he is thankful for schizophrenia because through his mental illness he can talk to his deceased parents. His deceased parents convinced him not to jump off a train. He walked with his deceased parents on the railroad tracks.                Think about it. It can be pretty cool. You step into another realm, another world far from sanity. But really you see things other people don’t see. You can talk to dead people. I embrace my psychosis. The positiv...