Hallucinations and Illusions: The Horns on the Virgin of Guadalupe

My mom looked deep into my eyes. I thought she was admiring me because I thought I was a prophet. I was certain that I was the chosen one and now I was going to meet Pope Francis. We were sitting at mass together at Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal Church. I was the chosen one and my special connection with God would make it possible for my mother to meet Pope Francis. Wow! My mom would be so proud of me. My mom would be so honored that she was the mother of the chosen one. When it was time for communion, my mom softly touched my hand and looked at me with her big brown eyes. I thought, Wow, my mom is in awe that she is the mother of a prophet. My mom was pure and innocent like the Virgin Mary. When mass was over, I walked up to the portrait of the Virgin of Guadalupe. I always stared at the portrait, and many times, the Virgin of Guadalupe smiled at me, but there were other times when her tongue stuck out, and she turned into the devil. Today, however, our blessed mother was smiling at me and at my good work. I prayed to her and then tried to light candles so that I could meet Pope Francis. I prayed that Pope Francis would discover me when I was famous and appearing on television, and he would want to fl y to California to meet the Estradas. However, the candle would not light. I tried to light another candle and
that one did not light, either. I tried to light a third one and nothing. Finally, by the time I tried to light the fourth candle, my mind journeyed back to reality. I could get superstitious with my candles. I realized that I was psychotic, and God might be trying to tell me I was psychotic by not letting the candles light. I was having delusions of grandeur and hallucinating, and having illusions as always, it felt so real. My mom wasn’t looking at me with praise and admiration. She was genuinely concerned. She knew I was psychotic and hyper-religious and thought I needed to be hospitalized. I tried to do my best to do reality testing and challenge the psychosis, especially when the Virgin of Guadalupe developed a tail and horns and suddenly became Satan. I told myself, No, Mari, it’s a hallucination. Just challenge it and stare at her. In some strange way you may be able to control some of the hallucinations through reality testing. I stared at that portrait until she developed a big beautiful smile, and the Blessed Virgin of Guadalupe smiled at me warmly.