Depression and Hygiene - Motivated to feel Beautiful


When I’m caught in the cycle of depression, motivation is low. I am caught in the cycle of depression, don’t want to shower, comb my hair, exercise. I don’t want to clean my condo. Getting out of bed is a battle, everyday is a battle. When will this cycle end? People who don’t struggle with mental illness will never know what it is like. They will just make fun of me and judge me. 
Depression, bipolar disorder, schizoaffective-mental ilness is misunderstood. The people who have never walked in our shoes will be the first to judge. That is until it effects one of their family members.
When I’m depressed in one of my lows Even  taking a shower and maintaining hygiene can be a battle. Living an breathing is painful. Suicide always crosses my mind. My psychiatrist calls it passive suicidal ideation.I feel like I’m falling apart. I was come to a point where I can not do anything for myself.  I actually need shower reminders from my husband and friends. It is sad it’s like seriously, I am starting to smell lol. As a medical case worker for the department of mental health I am aware that there is a word for that. I  have funcional impairments and cannot maintain my activities of daily living. My friends have to remind me to shower and not be stinky. I will text my friend Val Gal pal,  “I’m Debbie Downer” she tells me “kick her out, play some lady Gaga and Britney Bitch!” My friends make me laugh but honestly I hate feeling this way. It’s like “how do I get out of this cycle of depression?” I go out in public stinky, messy hair, stained blouses. People treat me based on how I look, horrible customer service. One time I went to petsmart in a business suit, full make up flat ironed hair. Doors were opened for me, 5 star service and a 30lb bag of dog food was carried to my car by a petsmart associate.
Let me tell you I am tired of bad customer service. I am an author and medical case worker and  I am being treated horribly.

Therefore, with the support of friends motivating Val Gal  telling me to shower so I smell like a “beautiful rose” and my friend Guillermo who checks on daily to ensure I’m showering and always reminding me I am beautiful. I have decided to motivate myself to be feel beautiful! I bought a faux fur pink
Stool from Amazon, and cleaned up my
Vanity room! I organized my makeup and jewelry and decide to put an end to the cycle of depression! When we look good, we feel good! #motivatedtofeelbeautiful

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