When you Neglect Yourself



“I knew I needed to slow down on life but I couldn’t. I tried to tough it out that I was physically sick. I’ve always been nurturing like my mom, listening to people, feeding people. People hear what I’m saying but don’t seem to listen. I was so busy taking care of everyone else, I was neglecting me. I would come home from work and by husband would hand me the ground turkey to make the meatloaf. I didn’t even get a chance to sit down and rest. I made meatloaf every other day. I cleaned and went to work talked to family and friends and didn’t focus that my body was trying to tell me something. Mari, you’re not well!”


I got sick after eating undercooked meat at work one night. I’m a waitress. Something told me not to eat it because it was pink but I dug in and ate the whole thing. Minutes later I was running to the bathroom with diarrhea. I know TMI. Days later vomiting everyday. Every morning. My co-workers teased me that I was pregnant and there was a time I was convinced I was pregnant. The pregnancy test came out negative even the blood one. I questioned what is wrong with me. I told my family and friends I was sick but nobody seemed to show much concern except my work family who spent most time with me and my sister in law. After vomiting and having diarrhea over one month, I got really dehydrated. I went to work like any other day but I knew something was wrong. I had to sit down taking orders. I was anxiously waiting for my lunch break. I thought it was my blood pressure and the fact I forgot my blood pressure medication. My supervisor told me I could go home and get my medication and I did but I still  didn’t feel better. My co-workers gathered around me and told me to sit down .Maricela you can’t even stand you look like you’re going to faint. The cook made me a sandwich and told me to eat something but after taking a few bites I felt like throwing up so I didn’t eat it. Seems like over a month I couldn’t hold anything down. My co worker told me I had to go to urgent care or the ER and if I didn’t they’re going to call an ambulance. I decided to drive myself to urgent care. Where I received the diagnosis of a parasitic infection caused by the raw meat I ate. Oh how nasty, I have worms lingering in my intestines. I was dehydrated and that’s the reason I was going to faint. Suddenly, it all made sense.


The doctor prescribed an antibiotic and nausea medication. 


During this time. I turned off my phone and shut down from the world. I told people I couldn’t talk and was going through a lot and I was. I was emotionally and physically drained. I was grieving from losing my ex-fiancé to lung cancer. I was trying to catch up on the mortgage and on my days off I found myself hungry with very little groceries. I had serious martial problems that exacerbated the situation. I fed my dogs and chickens everyday. I went on with my life. I cut the grass on my days off and tried to be the strong woman that does it all but Inside I felt like I was screaming inside and nobody even looked up and even asked how are you? How is your mom who has skin cancer. How is your mental health? The stress I was experiencing was causing a flare up of psychosis. I tried to tough it out and remain strong and positive. Nevertheless, I remained in good spirits. Maybe I should’ve asked for help. Maybe I should’ve told people I had a lot on my plate. Instead I was hurt and felt like body cared. I shut down from the world. I practiced my self care daily my my lavender baths, lightening candles, gardening and walking my dogs in the park. For the first time in a long time, I focused on me and God it felt good. I will turn my phone back on when I’m ready. For now, all I want to know in the comments is If anyone can relate. Are you so busy taking care of everyone else and neglecting your own self?

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